10 General Rules of Dieting
(to help you stay fit for swimming)
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you don't eat more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, and Sara Lee cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone around you, you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entire entertainment package and are not part of one's personal fuel, such as Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, and Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something, such as peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon while making a sundae.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food.
While dieting is an accepted practice for losing or controlling weight, basic nutritional needs must be met -- it doesn't do any good to be thin and dead at the same time. Consult a physician before beginning any diet program, and always include foods from the four basic nutritional groups: pizza, Pepsi, M&M's, and peanut butter.