"All the water that will ever be, is right now." --National Geographic, October 1993


Driving in Southwest Florida

10 Rules of Dieting

Minnow Logic: Practices, Dieting, Eating, Drinking & Heart Attacks

Nato, Ergo Sum

Newton's Laws of Swimming

Mr. Know-it-All answers questions about healthy eating and exercise

Top 10 reasons why hurricane season is like Christmas

A Good Pun is its own Reward... you have been forewarned

from comic and Masters swimmer Laurie Kilmartin: Scientific Guide to Lap Pools
















Rene Descartes, French philosopher and scientist, didn't exactly use those precise words. While contemplating reality and existence, what he really said was more like "Cogito, ergo sum" (I think; therefore, I exist). But if he had known about Masters swimming and the Merry Minnows, he surely would have said, "Nato, ergo sum" (I swim; therefore, I exist). Other great thinkers, writers, and statesmen would have shared Descartes' enthusiasm for Masters swimming, if they had only known about it...





Newton's Laws of Competitive Swimming


Law of Gravity

When left unattended, a swimmer will gravitate to the worst technique possible.


Law of Inertia

A swimmer at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. A swimmer in motion will tend to rest as soon as possible unless acted upon by an outside force.


Laws of Acceleration & Momentum

The Law of Acceleration only applies for about two minutes after the swimmer remembers it's important; then, the law of Momentum becomes dominant and is soon supplanted by the law of Inertia.


Law of Static Levels

Swimmers will automatically seek their own comfort level and tend to attract others to do the same.


Opposition Principle

When asked to kick rapidly, swimmers tend not to; when told not to kick, swimmers tend to kick rapidly.


Space - Time Continuum

When swimming breaststroke or butterfly in practice, swimmers hands are attracted to the turning wall, each hand at a different speed, at different times, at different points not in the same plane, where they become attached to the wall by unseen forces for undue amounts of time.



The position of the swimmer's body while swimming in relation to the position it is supposed to be in may vary +/- 100%.


Vertical and Horizontal Telemetry

When rotated 90 degrees from the vertical (standing) to supine position (swimming), the brain loses most of its ability to function.





Minnow Logic

Swim Practices

In mathematics, a basic truth is that

If A is greater than B,
And if B is greater than C,
Then A must be greater than C.

Applying this mathematical principle to the science of swimming, it stands to reason that...

If an easy practice is better than nothing,
And if nothing is better than a hard practice
Then an easy practice must be better than a hard practice.


The ideal method for losing weight is to do two different diets at the same time. That way, you lose twice as much weight twice as fast ... and you get to eat twice as much food.


Eating, Drinking, and Heart Attacks

The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.


























Mr. Know-it-All answers questions about Diet & Exercise


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: What? Have you not been paying attention? Cocoa beans -- another vegetable! Chocolate is the best health food there is.















The Top 10 Reasons that Hurricane Season is like Christmas


10. You get to decorate the house, especially the windows.

9. You drag out boxes of equipment that haven't been used since last season.

8. There's last minute shopping in crowded stores.

7. Regular TV shows are pre-empted for "specials."

6. You get all kinds of presents from people in your neighborhood, usually found somewhere in your yard.

5. Family and friends from out-of-state are calling more frequently.

4. You're buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities.

3. There are days off from work

2. Candles.

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

1. At some point, you know you're going to have a tree in your house!